Trust

They say in every relationship there must be Trust. I can't agree more. Without trust, i feel trapped, tightened by a rope.
Why can't you trust me? Why do you think i can't do it?
I know you are worried about me, i know you love me.....but....sometimes i want a bit of freedom too.
Growing up is hard. Living is hard.
I want to be able to do the things i want, i want to be able to go to the places i want to go, i want to be able to....able to....

Please trust me. I know what i am doing. I know what is 'danger'. I want to grow a little bit....
please....please? How come others can do the things i've always wanted to...can do the things i can't? I know..is it because i'm no the "others", i am me. I don't know how i long i can feel this for....

I can't stop crying. Make me stop crying please. The tears are starting to hurt......

Semester 2 Week 12

1. Pitta-Patta Pitta-Patta
The sound of the raindrops.
The rain that i wish,

could wash me away.
Is it rain? Or is it tears?
that are falling upon my face.

Let me know, there is a rainbow after all.
I seem to can't see beyond it all.
Let it wash away everything,
everything that i had.
Because sometimes, i wish to not remember.
To not...remember...

Another on-going project called "Poetry for the lost sole" (yes sole - because sole --> alone. soul --> emotional nature, sense of identity)
 

And there ends Semester 2 classes :) 'tis was a jolly good semester~
I enjoyed the bad and the good <3 Of course there were the OMG I CAN'T DO type of assignments, but it made me learn more and motivate me to study.
Study for exams~ off i go~ >.<

P.S been applying for jobs - no success sigh :(

Semester 2 - Week 10

Keeping a blog is harder than it sounds, before you know it - it's week 10 already!
Definitely a busy semester and my first yr is nearly overrrrr noooooooooo!!!

I am enjoying uni life, i think i like it better than high school :) It has taught be independence and gave me more freedom. I am starting to wonder why i keep a blog just for uni....because uni is not JUST uni..it's part of life. 

Thus therefore, i hope that this blog will turn into my life blog - not just uni from now on.
Life is a journey and uni is only part of it.

Although busy is hectic and tiring, i think i like being busy =) with the feeling you have done something

Semester 2 - Week 3

Ohhhhhmyyyyyyygooooshhhhh, i have been neglecting you my uni blog =( i keep saying that i will update you...but i keep forgetting. So therefore i'm here updating you right now and abandoning my uni work.

So Semester 2 has well begun, i like uni life. i really do...it's better than being cooped inside the house ALL day -.- this sem i seem to have late finishes :( 1 6 o'clock, 2 x 5 o'clock finish...the work is piling up...
on the other hand - i have GOOD TUTORS!!!!! :) yay
I just hope i can do well this sem!! not hope, but WILL!!!

but..uni life is fun, seeing quite a few ppl these days, especially those that i haven't seen for agesss...like trevor and travis hahaha. A few weeks ago, i went to hand resumes out - but seems like i don't have any luck as i haven't heard back. I'm STILL looking for a job :[ and every day i just pray pray pray that i can get a job!!

Also, uni tests soon..and i'm feeling worried again :( especially with last sem behind me...i really need to study more and be smarter :((

Exam Results Sem 1

I Passed! I Passed!!





If that was the only thing i was hoping for..i would've been lying. Yes, it's true, as i predicted..i didn't get 65+. :'( i feel like crying. No, that's not right - i AM crying. I didn't quite make it.
Nearly there, but not quite there yet. It's always, ALWAYS like that for me. Just like last yr.
I want to know what i am doing wrong, how come i can't reach my goal?
I go to the lectures, i listen, i make extra notes, i go to the tutes, i do questions. I don't/hardly wag, I have a heart that wants to learn....but i still fail to get there.
All my friends got there, even the ones who get lazy, hardly do the work, copy...etc

It hurts to know that. It really does.
I failed to get a job. I failed to get 65+. I suddenly...feel like a failure. The future looks dark again.
I might not even get the scholarship because i got an average lower than 65, no matter how much i try my best, beg, do well in the interview.

I always feel that if you have "heart", you will eventually succeed.


But maybe that is not true. No one is there to help me. :'(
Please let me able to recover, please let me be able to be accepted in the scholarship program, please let me find a job, please give me a brighter future.
Maybe i am not so good at studying, but i am persistent, hard-working and never give up.
My tears can't help but fall.

Holidays Week 1 (June 2011)

Wheeee~ it's holidaysss!! :] But i have been very busy...finishing up my online course..been going out a bit - karaoke, birthdays, meet-ups.
I'm the type of person that if i don't keep busy..i feel like like is pointless.

Recently re-decorated my room, going for the simple but beautiful design  :) the sunlight concept.
Very pretty now...i must remind myself that there is always sth to live for. I cannot give up too easily, many things i don't want to face, but i have to push myself to. 

Sometimes in winter, people would want another half to share their memories with. I hope every1 can find their other half..."love doesn't have to be perfect, but it is has to be true".
I only just found out..because dad's heart has been sick...that grandpa had problems with his heart too. Maybe the "weak heart" is passed down the family. I hope dad can get better soon, that our hearts can be stronger. No matter how weak my heart is, i want to keep living until it stops beating.

Exam Week 2

Back to the drawing board - job seeking. I think i had a pretty good week, until i got a call that i was "unsuccessful" for the job. Maybe because i had high hopes, maybe cause i really wanted to get it. Maybe cause after searching for half a yr...you found sth which you might have a chance. It really tears down your mood...but what can u do? Keep searching i guess....i don't want to give up...and i won't!!

Also had an exam this week..comp programming...and what can i say, at least i attempted everything?
Family has been having health issues lately...dad...mum....me...last week for my birthday, i wished every1 can be healthy, i hope we can be blessed and everyone stays healthy. I didn't realise how important people around you are and what it will be like without them gone.

It's funny...why am i feeling like this after hearing that i didn't get the job...? My head keeps thinking "i will get a call back.....saying they got it wrong.....that i have got the job" but it's all in my head....i waited 2 weeks for the call....and i got it. Satisfied? I don't know.
When i didn't have it, i thought to myself...am i really suited for this job? When i don't have it - part of me really really wants it, maybe it's cause we went through so much nowww and my interest has increased for coffee and for gloria jeans. I want to find a casual job before it is too late....but the question is - WHERE?
It's so hard to find...and when u find...it's so hard to get....i feel far.....

2 exams left....i cannot stress how much "fighting" i really need right now. Some ppl have jobs come to them...while some ppl have to go seek for it...and maybe never find.