Trust

They say in every relationship there must be Trust. I can't agree more. Without trust, i feel trapped, tightened by a rope.
Why can't you trust me? Why do you think i can't do it?
I know you are worried about me, i know you love me.....but....sometimes i want a bit of freedom too.
Growing up is hard. Living is hard.
I want to be able to do the things i want, i want to be able to go to the places i want to go, i want to be able to....able to....

Please trust me. I know what i am doing. I know what is 'danger'. I want to grow a little bit....
please....please? How come others can do the things i've always wanted to...can do the things i can't? I know..is it because i'm no the "others", i am me. I don't know how i long i can feel this for....

I can't stop crying. Make me stop crying please. The tears are starting to hurt......

Semester 2 Week 12

1. Pitta-Patta Pitta-Patta
The sound of the raindrops.
The rain that i wish,

could wash me away.
Is it rain? Or is it tears?
that are falling upon my face.

Let me know, there is a rainbow after all.
I seem to can't see beyond it all.
Let it wash away everything,
everything that i had.
Because sometimes, i wish to not remember.
To not...remember...

Another on-going project called "Poetry for the lost sole" (yes sole - because sole --> alone. soul --> emotional nature, sense of identity)
 

And there ends Semester 2 classes :) 'tis was a jolly good semester~
I enjoyed the bad and the good <3 Of course there were the OMG I CAN'T DO type of assignments, but it made me learn more and motivate me to study.
Study for exams~ off i go~ >.<

P.S been applying for jobs - no success sigh :(

Semester 2 - Week 10

Keeping a blog is harder than it sounds, before you know it - it's week 10 already!
Definitely a busy semester and my first yr is nearly overrrrr noooooooooo!!!

I am enjoying uni life, i think i like it better than high school :) It has taught be independence and gave me more freedom. I am starting to wonder why i keep a blog just for uni....because uni is not JUST uni..it's part of life. 

Thus therefore, i hope that this blog will turn into my life blog - not just uni from now on.
Life is a journey and uni is only part of it.

Although busy is hectic and tiring, i think i like being busy =) with the feeling you have done something

Semester 2 - Week 3

Ohhhhhmyyyyyyygooooshhhhh, i have been neglecting you my uni blog =( i keep saying that i will update you...but i keep forgetting. So therefore i'm here updating you right now and abandoning my uni work.

So Semester 2 has well begun, i like uni life. i really do...it's better than being cooped inside the house ALL day -.- this sem i seem to have late finishes :( 1 6 o'clock, 2 x 5 o'clock finish...the work is piling up...
on the other hand - i have GOOD TUTORS!!!!! :) yay
I just hope i can do well this sem!! not hope, but WILL!!!

but..uni life is fun, seeing quite a few ppl these days, especially those that i haven't seen for agesss...like trevor and travis hahaha. A few weeks ago, i went to hand resumes out - but seems like i don't have any luck as i haven't heard back. I'm STILL looking for a job :[ and every day i just pray pray pray that i can get a job!!

Also, uni tests soon..and i'm feeling worried again :( especially with last sem behind me...i really need to study more and be smarter :((

Exam Results Sem 1

I Passed! I Passed!!





If that was the only thing i was hoping for..i would've been lying. Yes, it's true, as i predicted..i didn't get 65+. :'( i feel like crying. No, that's not right - i AM crying. I didn't quite make it.
Nearly there, but not quite there yet. It's always, ALWAYS like that for me. Just like last yr.
I want to know what i am doing wrong, how come i can't reach my goal?
I go to the lectures, i listen, i make extra notes, i go to the tutes, i do questions. I don't/hardly wag, I have a heart that wants to learn....but i still fail to get there.
All my friends got there, even the ones who get lazy, hardly do the work, copy...etc

It hurts to know that. It really does.
I failed to get a job. I failed to get 65+. I suddenly...feel like a failure. The future looks dark again.
I might not even get the scholarship because i got an average lower than 65, no matter how much i try my best, beg, do well in the interview.

I always feel that if you have "heart", you will eventually succeed.


But maybe that is not true. No one is there to help me. :'(
Please let me able to recover, please let me be able to be accepted in the scholarship program, please let me find a job, please give me a brighter future.
Maybe i am not so good at studying, but i am persistent, hard-working and never give up.
My tears can't help but fall.

Holidays Week 1 (June 2011)

Wheeee~ it's holidaysss!! :] But i have been very busy...finishing up my online course..been going out a bit - karaoke, birthdays, meet-ups.
I'm the type of person that if i don't keep busy..i feel like like is pointless.

Recently re-decorated my room, going for the simple but beautiful design  :) the sunlight concept.
Very pretty now...i must remind myself that there is always sth to live for. I cannot give up too easily, many things i don't want to face, but i have to push myself to. 

Sometimes in winter, people would want another half to share their memories with. I hope every1 can find their other half..."love doesn't have to be perfect, but it is has to be true".
I only just found out..because dad's heart has been sick...that grandpa had problems with his heart too. Maybe the "weak heart" is passed down the family. I hope dad can get better soon, that our hearts can be stronger. No matter how weak my heart is, i want to keep living until it stops beating.

Exam Week 2

Back to the drawing board - job seeking. I think i had a pretty good week, until i got a call that i was "unsuccessful" for the job. Maybe because i had high hopes, maybe cause i really wanted to get it. Maybe cause after searching for half a yr...you found sth which you might have a chance. It really tears down your mood...but what can u do? Keep searching i guess....i don't want to give up...and i won't!!

Also had an exam this week..comp programming...and what can i say, at least i attempted everything?
Family has been having health issues lately...dad...mum....me...last week for my birthday, i wished every1 can be healthy, i hope we can be blessed and everyone stays healthy. I didn't realise how important people around you are and what it will be like without them gone.

It's funny...why am i feeling like this after hearing that i didn't get the job...? My head keeps thinking "i will get a call back.....saying they got it wrong.....that i have got the job" but it's all in my head....i waited 2 weeks for the call....and i got it. Satisfied? I don't know.
When i didn't have it, i thought to myself...am i really suited for this job? When i don't have it - part of me really really wants it, maybe it's cause we went through so much nowww and my interest has increased for coffee and for gloria jeans. I want to find a casual job before it is too late....but the question is - WHERE?
It's so hard to find...and when u find...it's so hard to get....i feel far.....

2 exams left....i cannot stress how much "fighting" i really need right now. Some ppl have jobs come to them...while some ppl have to go seek for it...and maybe never find.

Exam Week 1

Had my first exam today - felt...i dunno how to say, some questions...i feel like i am writing too much or off track...or just not sure @_@ i am not sure if that is with everyone or just me. I just hope i did good to pass and hopefully get more than 65%? =\ or else how am i going to be able to get into ibl :( sigh....how come it's so much harder than it looks?
I feel i have tried my hardest, i tried so hard...my arm was so so sore, but i didn't want to give up writing. It is over now, i should not dwell on it. Always feel like my performance lowers so much during exam time too! =[

1 down....3 to go...still so many to go. Really need to study too! Computer Programming next, such a hard subject, but i believe - not impossible! Just can't give up...i know a lot of ppl who had given up easily at the start...that motivates me to follow my belief that we can never give up!

And so the study continues.....(kind of sucks when everyone is already starting to finish exams T_T)
P.S i also hope i get the coffee job....i want to learn more!

My First Job?

Yes. That's correct. "My First Job?" With a question mark..because i am not sure if i will get it yet. Today, i was very nervous going to my trial period/session....but it was quite fun...learning new things :) if i would have to rate my performance, it would be 5/10...as i felt i made a lot of mistakes, couldnt think properly, felt cluless...etc >< gahhh but i would love to get better and get the chance to work there!
If so, i finally have a JOB!!!!!  Major life change hahaha x) but it's sth....i really want experience more than anything~~

Tomorrow is dear Vivien''s 19th Birthday :)
My wishes: all my family is always happy & healthy, that i can always try my best, that good things may come our way~, that the impossible is sometimes very possible!
hehe, im very excited because this yr im going out!! (altho only by myself...but major improvement from last yr in which i stayed home ALL DAY - im improving every yr right? ;)

laters (for the last time as a 18th year old) - no regret. never.

SWOTVAC - Semester 1

This week (well the week before) was SWOTVAC..and so it means to study without a teacher vacation, i don't think much of the study part happened. How come no matter how i do, i don't feel like i'm doing enough? Or that there isn't enough time to do everything?

Uni exams are worrying =x Thought no more worrying exams after VCE, but gosh am i wrong :( Why is uni so hard too? Wae? But oh well, it's just another hurdle to past right? It's hard not to feel discouraged when you look back to the times you haven't done well. It's hard to put the past behind us and keep trying harder.
First exam (business law) is on friday...hope i go well, open-book, but a lot to write and a lot of concepts to consider x_x harder than it looks!

To other news, i got a call for a trial period for work tmr afternoon! Kind of nervous =x will i do well...will i make many many mistakes...will i be able to get the job?
It will be good to get the job, because in these conditions, very hard to find a job ANYWHERE..spent about half a yr already and this was my first interview. Let's just let things flow and see where the direction takes me~~

Goodbye from a Vivien who cannot wait till holidays but is trying to strive and pull-through with the xams and hope i can pass WELL!

Week 12 - final week of Semester!

oh gosh! what a busy week!! With 2 assignments due and my first job interview!!
Final week of semester and as i review back to my first semester in uni - it feels wonderful! Uni has been such a great experience, i am very lucky to have met such great friends, im happy with my timetable :] And yes, of course there were ups and downs - but without the downs there will never ever be the ups, right?

For some reason, i like being busy. Feels like you are going somewhere, doing sth...but during this week, i had a stress attack - you know when youu panic >_< just too much..didn't know how long i could hold on for.

Computer programming assignment was sure hard! And i mean it, it's just one of those subjects which are definitely harder than it looks. I didn't finish Part 2 of the assignment, but i hope i did okay. At least, i learnt through doing the assignment which is really going to help start my study! I just hope i get enough marks to pass and get a GPA of 65 or higher. It is kind of worrying because of my mid-semester results.....*sigh* but as we all know, we cannot look backwards. No matter how many times we fall, we have to get back up and try it again!
Working well doesn't mean getting the best grade, getting HD's...but rather improving yourself.

And i really want to improve myself.

Week 11

Second last week of semester!!! Good or bad??
Bad:
- Still have many many assignments/assessments to complete
- Exams are soon and i feel so dead about it

Good:
- Classes are not that bad, timetable is good, have gotten used to it, don't want a change for nxt semester
- Holidays are coming soon (i have a month)

Not sure if i can make it....my pile of stuff to do is very very high! mountain! gah D:
And for exams....there are coursework which i don;t even understand....and i can't do the questions...oh gosh, not enough time x_x please help get through this and hope i can pass all my units with at least a credit average so i can't get into the IBL program >_<

Been thinking about the double degree lately, maybe it's better i don't do it. Double degrees = more money spent on uni/owing to the gov, time spent on uni wen i can be outside in the workforce gaining valuable experience, more units to undertake that i may find difficult/not be able to score a pass.
Because i've seen that some double degreers looking for same jobs as single degreers.
This is why i have decided that my internet course is useful, hopefully i can complete it and continue to get a diploma through it. Also, I could always do a honors year - which will actually put you on top of the double degreers.
I rather get the scholarship to pay off my fees and gain experience. I hope it works out- but whatever happens i know that God has planned this path for me. I will keep walking it.

>>> Hehe, recently more campus couples created ^^ very cuteee...getting cold around campus;;; need to stayyy warmm & covered...butt heehee seeing friends is always happy & fun and i deeply thank you for that :]

Week 9 & Week 10 - Asean Ball 2011!!

Week 9 - went by so fast....it was Mother's Day weekend so i was really busy with work...work all wed, thurs, fri, sat sun.. = =  gah D: but it wad enjoyable and productive. Better than staying home and doing nothing ne?

Week 10 - rainy week. The rain & dark skies just continue to be over Melbourne. Is this what it would be like in London all the time? Depressing? Sometimes. But more reflective and contemplative weather.
Many things to do as assignments are due Week 11 & 12! Must not give up =\

Asean Ball was this thursday....fun fun ^^ it's nice to dress up all nicely one in awhile, but not sure if it was worth the money tho..the food was :[ and it didn't last that long. Had a terrible experience trying to get there..had crap shoes :( kept falling/breaking..couldn't walk properly.
I don't think i am a big fan of kill heels, no matter how pretty they look. But because i'm a girl, i have to wear them...because i am a girl, i have to put make-up on, because i'm a girl i can't do whatever i please - stay out as long as i want, stay over at someone's place.

Am i starting to get desperate? Hope i am not. But....if i don't even have any experience or find someone in Uni...where else will i be able to find him? It's only going to be more difficult...It's hard to find that person that can match me. 1 in a million as they say.

Week 8 + Easter Semester Break

Week 8 went by really fast as it led up to the holidays. Of course uni has it's fun times. But now it's the morning of Week 9 (after the easter break and i massive CEEEEBS!) =.="
There was so so many things i wanted to do (uni work catch up, study, assignments), but i hardly and i mean HARDLY got any done =[ was really really really REALLY busy this easter break.
Had a lot of events - RSA course, whitney's birthday buffet, lincoln's 20th, jason's housewarming, Nigel's 18th Birthday, Coffee Course....the list goes on.

I mean, i had lots of fun during the break..went out quite a lot, met LOADS of ppl, had fun - laughed & cried. BUT i got nothing done :[ ohhh well, maybe that's what holidays are for.

Week 7 - @_@

Hectic as it is throughout this week. This weekend will be even MORE hectic. Firstly, i got a really bad score (P) on my programming test. Was very disappointed, but what i can do? All i can do it keep on trying.
Member for my business law assignment (due next wed) just pulled out - which means me and p.woo are left alone to finish it, and it still feels like we have a long way to go.
I have a mid-sem statistics test on monday..trying to study for that..trying to do my best.
Suddenly fell sick on thursday..body aches&pain, feeling hot&cold, stomach upsets....threw up..
definitely not a time....i must relax and stay calm.
I can pull through. I know i can do it.

Week 6

Week 6 - i handed in another assignment on monday, had a mid-semester tests on wednesday, sadly...didn't think i did well :( also weekly biz law test....it seems like my grades are going down. Quite sad actually, altho unlike vce, i won't become really depressed abt it and ranking doesn't matter - i still want to do well.
Personal management i guess? HD D C P can be so deceiving sometimes.

Sometimes there is uni work which i don't get @_@ is that the same with every1? It's hard to keep up too cuz they go at SUPERspeed. EURGH T_T time to head off and do more study~~

Need to practice driving >_< c'mon viviennnnn.
"Self examination is consistently needed 4 self growth. Don't just keep living life the way you have been living. Stop, examine & grow."
"With God all things are possible" #believe

Week 5

woo hoo! Week 5 already past already! Decided to post today seeing as it is the last day of March. March was a great month - the month i started uni, the month i met A LOT of wonderful friends whom i will never ever forget in my life, the month i knew the "real" uni, the month i breathed & believed & felt the world around me, the month i got used to being a uni student.

Assignments, mid-semester tests, tests...yupp have all of them now~~ hope i can get through it. I'm still liking uni wayyy more than high school tho :) uni is more amusing haha =] and i loveLOVE seeing ppl!! I think i'm not as shy now as i talk to ppl, building up my social skills everyday!!

Hopefully i can make my weekend useful!! Doing volunteer work yesterday, hope it's good =\ and also i registered to do an upskill program to gain a certificate in finance ^^ Well, i guess, if you can't get a job, can only go and upskill yourself!!! FIGHTING!! :)

P.S Mid-semes test next week -wish me luck!!

Week 4

Oops..sorry that i didn't blog the week before! But i have been busy!busy!busy!
Uni is getting busier with assignments and other events~! But i think i'm having more fun!!
I feel like i'm getting to know more people each week and starting to settle in and enjoy the routine!
For some reason, i like mon-thurs MORE than the weekend~ uni is always interesting & diff each day, it's always very very funny at uni hahaha^^"

Had my first outing with uni friends last saturday for John's birthday :D it was aweeeesomeeee karaoke + pool~ got to learn more abt everyone. I love how we have a "group" and i hope it continues to expand..with others doing other courses as well!! Mona and I, the laughing duo....laugh at everything and anything these dayss haha...really..maybe there's sth wrong with us LOL

I've decided to try my best and participate in more things in my life :) And to try to sense the world around me with my 5 senses and fully utilise them~ haha well, i'm looking forward to the upcoming week ^^

P.S i feel a bit rusty in the love area tho...but can't wait till it gets around mid-yr and you start to see more couples on campus (or so i hope!) For me, maybe it's been too long that i have forgotten how to love? I would like to find someone to like tho....but maybe it's just not time yet :) whoo knowsssss

Week 2 - over!

At the start of this week, i was dreading it...so much unfinished work >_>
but this week, actually got better as it went along~ :) very very happy!
I met more FRIENDS this week =]] and is really happyyy going to uni everyday, it's actually somewhere i want to be!!

Yes. Uni is actually a lot of work. = = overload lol and it's only 2 weeks and more to come? haha ^^"
slowly getting comp programming =\ just have to work on it - must be more productive this weekend!! SO BUSY!! (sometimes i think..how did Nicole (in Nicole goes to College) manage to fit uni & her schedule!?! haha...but she is right..in thinking abt the little things you see in college and keeping the memories at heart <3
It has only been 2 weeks and i already have many many memories printed in my heart~~
Oh! And...

NEED TO GET A JOB!!!! HELPPPP!!! I'M SO DESPERATE +_+

My First Week of Uni

University life has begun! Many, many, MANY people on campus - everywhere! And you always seem to see a few familiar faces everywhere you go. The weather started to cool this week - and some days it was cold just to walk to my lecture theatre!!
I'm starting to feel more confident knowing my way around campus, riding on buses and meeting new people.
Have met lots of new people since this week begun! =) Hope to meet more within my units/courses though!

However, uni life is not all fun & games. I think after VCE, i just went wheeeeeeee and thought that it was the end of hardcore studying, but i was wrong. =( oh so very wrong....
University is tough. Work load increases as what they teach in a week is probably what they teach you in vce for a whole year! >< They go through very fast and it is your responsibility to just catch up and follow through everything they are teaching you. I hope i can understand/learn everything! I am willing to learn!
Learning computer programming (fit1002) is like learning another language o.O srsly..... >_<
Also, i really really really need a job....i don't really care abt the pay, i just want some experience!!! So i hope someone can hire me quick! =\
Juggling work, uni, social life is going to be hard...university is very draining albeit fun..i feel like i am getting tired very easily! And my tutes&labs haven't even started yet! AND assignments have yet to begin!

So....to this semester.....FIGHTING!!!!

O-Day!

Went to Orientation Day yesterday..and surprisingly, it was good! Very fun!
Met a couple of people, saw some people whom i haven't seen for a long time, joined some clubs, got some showbags anddddd GOT FREE FOOD!!! Hahaha

Free Ice cream :) so cute, it was an ice cream van and many ppl were wondering if it was free or not x) Also got a free lunch in my faculty! The people of my faculty is nice and i'm glad to be part of it.
Maybe it was a good decision after all to do IT as millions,billions of people graduate with a degree in commerce and cannot find any work. At least IT is in demand again and also lack in women.
Not sure how i will go in my studied, but i hope to enjoy it =\
Also not sure about the IBL Scholarship (but i will try!) and to transfer to the double degree

But for the moment, i shall just let it flow~ ^^

What i am most worried about...

Tomorrow is O-Day! (Orientation Day), i should be excited riighttt?? ;)

WELL, NO!!!  I'm not really..maybe more nervous than excited! eeks!
Few things i am nervous about:
- making new friends/meeting new ppl
- not having any friends/sociable ppl whom i can hang on to....or at least not look a loner and that also fits my criteria
- getting lost on such a large campus >.<
- bus'ing to & from uni (last time i got off at the wrong stop T_T cuz missed my one)
- not really knowing things...and looking like it

Ahh, i hope it turns out all right tmr...i'm open to making new friends and hopefully i can meet the right, nice ppl :) some ppl that have similar interests as me would be nice
UNI life - fighting!!

One week

One week to go till uni begins...just altering my timetable to try to get the best one, but ahh..i have a total of 16 hrs, possible because of the labs (which is 2 hrs long). I don't think there is a "perfect timetable" available..it's hard trying to get the right times and the right hours to avoid traffic peak hours (9 and 5).

BUT...YAY! I got into Business Law for my elective, glad i went in to do a manual enrollment, however ppl say it's a tough subject...=\ Hope it is good and interesting and my legal studies skills from last yr will be of some help haha! ^^

Now, i just need to wait till it is finalized and released on the 22nd Feb, need to try to move the buslaw tute tho =x hope it all works out.

I'm just so so worried of getting lost at uni and not having any friends..it's kind of daunting

I really do hope i can try my best in uni!! 화이팅!!

2011 - My Freshman Year

Anticipating my first year on campus. What will i see? What will i experience?

Things I look forward to on campus:
♥ Clubs - joining clubs, club activities, meeting ppl in clubs
♥ Campus Couples - seeing them around campus
♥ Mentor Sunbaenims
♥ Studying at a Coffee Shop
♥ Studying at the library
♥ MTs
♥ Meeting new & friendly (!) people
♥ going to lectures
♥ skipping lectures (eeks!) >.<
♥ Eating at the campus cafeteria